The greatest thing about the internet, part 2

So it’s been a busy summer, and I’ve been neglecting this blog like I’ve neglected my garden. Fewer deaths resulted, but I feel just as guilty. I need to post something pronto. So let’s try this internet thing again. I’m still so sure that the internet is a wonderful utopia, and not just a collection of jokes about bums. Wikipedia was not as helpful as I anticipated, but really, the point of the internet is that just anybody can publish things to it, and I don’t have to go with the usual suspects.

So of course I get on google. Sigh. But that’s how I look for things, be they people, places, or things. What I am looking for at the moment is a mix of all 3: my people, the places they hang, and the things they do. Nocturnal society, if it’s out there.

“Night Living”, Search web. I get links for Night of the Living Dead. Ok, add quotation marks? Nope, same deal. Are zombies really that popular right now? “Night life” gives me tourist guides to clubs.*Vexed sigh* I’ll save my results from “Nocturnal dating ” for it’s own post, maybe. Terrifying.

“Nocturnal people” is a much better group of results. A great quote:

It’s always midday and midnight somewhere in the world and there are always people willing to chat and engage on the net. There is no day or night on the net, just us, the world, willing to talk.

I wish I knew who to credit this to, but it’s one of those anonymous internet things. So let’s credit it to someone random. I feel like that’s the proper internet thing to do.

- DAVID BOWIE, 1967

Here’s an article from Psychology Today:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201005/why-night-owls-are-more-intelligent-morning-larks The theory there is that nocturnal living is a recent evolutionary tangent, and less intelligent people have trouble adapting to new things; they’ll just default to ancestral inclinations. And then they found a correlation with IQ and circadian rhythms and shit. Coolio.

And then there’s the Nocturnal Society. http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Studios/5423/ They have a manifesto. I recommend going with the silent version, and not only because you get to click on the Earaserhead icon. The look as well as the music of this page is hurting my quiet conservative sensibilities, but let’s not dwell on the superficial here. The theory here is very interesting, dig it: Nocturnal people are an evolutionary necessity. They are forced by evolution to be nocturnal, so that someone is up at night to protect all the sleeping people.
I said it was interesting, I didn’t say it was reasonable. Obviously every animal has to sleep sometime, and evolution hasn’t created (ha ha) special protectors.  Nothing happens for a reason, as convenient as that claim can be. Let’s just skip over the silly part, and get to the part about nocturnals being an Oppressed Minority. Did I mention how much this site loves dramatic capilization?

The gist of this manifesto is that nocturnals can’t help what they are, and they can either function at a reduced capacity during the day, or try to find a night job, where chances for advancement are slim. Sure, you can be a cop at night, but never the commissioner. This is, of course, only after you get through school, which, since it’s mainly a babysitting service while parents are working, happens only during the day. I was always sleeping in my morning classes, personally. So nocturnals are discriminated against, treated with suspicion, and at times actively legislated against. Suck city.

I guess it’s good to openly acknowledge that oppression and all. It for sure exists. I always thought I was being given the short end of the stick somehow, but assumed it was either because I’m a girl, or that, as Douglas Adams observed: “That’s just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.” Now I know that I’m discriminated against in a whole other way. Thanks for the heads up, Nocturnal Society, but internets, do you have any good news for me? I’m not feeling that oppression is the greatest thing about the internet.

One more time, search engine, and I will concede that the greatest thing about the internet is the availabily of free pornography. I’ll try an image search.

Ok, it’s not my first result, but here’s something:

It’s called an aye-aye. So I’m assuming it was named by baby pirates. It’s the world largest nocturnal primate. A kind of lemur from Madagascar, the Aye-aye is endangered because the locals consider it a harbinger of evil. What else do I have in common with the Aye-aye? Well, it has an elongated middle finger, so it presumably gives people the finger, which I also do. It lives a mostly solitary existence, as far as anyone can tell, which they can’t really, since it’s nocturnal and elusive. Combine these traits with the look on that things face, and I’d say I am pretty much one of these things. An Aye-aye.  This explains why I get mistaken for a racoon, bat, or  a large mutated cat of some kind. It’s an easy mistake.

Here’s another Aye-aye:

Fucker looks just like me. It’s uncanny, like those dog/human match ups on those billboards. AND I’ve been told that I’m a harbinger of evil too. Remind me to never go to Madagascar, no matter how funny those movie penguins are.

So to recap, the greatest thing about the internet is that people can make ridiculous claims, and nobody is held responsible, because everything is anonymous. Your dentist’s receptionist might look at you funny when you announce that you need the latest appointment she has because you’re nocturnal. But people on the internet don’t give a shit if you’re nocturnal or an alien or an Aye-aye. Whether they’re bitching about oppression, claiming superiority, or posting strange profiles to dating sites (nocturnal male seeks female, preferably human), nocturnal people have clearly found a home and, well, not a community exactly, but acceptance maybe, in the wider community of online society. The internet, in a way, is timeless, unconcerned with arbitrary hours and minutes.  It’s always midnight somewhere.

The greatest thing about the internet, part 1

My lack-of-god, it’s been more than a month? We’re already past the shortest night of the year, and still only 2 posts. I am a slacker.

Though no amount of not-slacking would satisfy the internet. Right now I get “you only have 2 posts”, but I’ll start to get frustrated when I hear “you only have 5 posts”, and after about 10 I’ll probably stop, unless I get some respect.

Come to think of it, do I want to be respected as a serious blogger? The world web is a ridiculous place, full of way too much information, and it really needn’t be about me. I have no illusions that if I posted every day I would millionth-monkey out some Shakespeare. Not that I like Shakespeare much to begin with, but it is better than me writing about my nail polish or how my family doesn’t understand me and my relationship with a guy who thinks he’s an otter. Or whatever blogs are about.

 The other thing is that I don’t want to go into details about myself. It’s not (entirely) that I’m paranoid. I just can’t stand for anything to be all about me, especially not my own opinion. So today, since I’m obsessed with the internet, why don’t I do a bit of superficial research on the webs? Or will that be more slacking? Hurm.

First, another quote. I’ve decided I quite like that part.

“The greatest thing about the internet is that you can quote something and just totally make up the source.” 

Benjamin Franklin

As soon as I’m done watching this amusing youtube video, I expect to find some serious understanding for nocturnals on the internet. It’s a 24 hour society, after all. People meet from all around the world to discuss their fetish for their totem animals. And I also regard it as a more egalitarian place than RL because identities are more, hmmm, metaphorical? On the internet nobody has to know you’re not an otter. Well, that’s kind of assumed because weasels, be they aquatic or land based, do not type very well. The Wikipedia article does say they “appear to engage in various behaviors for sheer enjoyment,” but doesn’t mention the internet.

Wikipedia is the repository of all human knowledge now, so where better to start? The article on nocturnals is titled “night owls”. Never mind that owls are ugly birds who rip into small animals with their razor talons. The assholes of the forest, I call them. So already I’m being pigeonholed as a jerk and don’t like it much. Other labels that are thrown around in this article are “B person” (I’m the B team leader, I hope) or perhaps I’d rather suffer from DSPS/DSPD/ DSPT (delayed sleep phase syndrome, disorder, or type). So far, not loving this article, wikidiurnaljerks. How about this list of famous night owls? Oh, a bunch of degenerate writers and musicians. And Churchill, who as it turns out, was a writer. I always thought he had style but no idea her won a Nobel. Back to the “night owls” page,  which I find pretty lacking. I already knew that night people are “viewed as lazy, undisciplined and having an attitude problem.”

The internet is like one big Choose Your Own Adventure game. Do I try some of the related articles, or follow external links to non-wiki stuff?

In wiki there is a less slanderous page about chronotypes which classifies people according to their “morningness or eveningness”. While even-handed it is not immediately interesting, it’s  a bit dense. Looks like a study in New Zealand a few years back found that “morningness/eveningness preference is largely independent of ethnicity, gender, and socioeconomic position, indicating that it is a stable characteristic”. That sounds like what I’m saying: I can’t help this. Not that I want to.

The non-wiki page is an ad for Denny’s. I used to go to a Denny’s in Vancouver, because yes it is open at 2 am for supper and at 6 am for before-bed-breakfast. Denny’s only closes when it’s required to, by local laws. They roll like that. There were posters of James Bond and Marilyn Monroe. The waitress was named Lurleen and had lipstick that clashed so violently with her hair that there were times I would go to bed hungry to avoid having my eyes blasted out. I loved it once, because it’s so weird. But now as a vegetarian I’m kinda grossed out by the ad for Baconalia. I guess it’s a traditional Roman thing, with hideous amounts of pork products.

So pork isn’t the greatest thing about the internet. Neither is wikipedia, tonight. Well I learned lots about Churchill and otters but not much about being nocturnal. Maybe I have to dive deeper into the internet to find what I’m looking for. But not tonight. Tonight, the greatest thing I’ve seen on the internet was probably videos of otters in love.

 

The Better Half

I’m sure glad this blog isn’t popular, or people would find it confusing and then it wouldn’t be popular anymore. I keep changing the look of it. I’m 2 posts in and having an identity crisis. How should I frame what I’m writing? What colours are easier to read? What font suits my style best? It’s stessing me out. If I’m a writer, why can’t I seem to write this blog? Instead I’ve been focusing on the look of this fucking thing for over a week now.

I thought I would have a ton of things to write about, and I do, when I look over my many scribbled notes. This unfamiliar format is throwing me off though. I feel like most of what I already have will be great for a 4th or 5th post, but they seem unsuitable for a second chapter.  Not that I have any idea what I’m doing, I just feel the need to more firmly establish this thing before sending it off onto the many twisting paths inside my brain. 

Perhaps I’ll grab another relevant quote and use it as a springboard? Shit, I thought I was not going to dissect my own process here…. Whatever, I have to try something. 

“Night is the other half of life, and the better half.”

GOETHE 

I don’t know about night being BETTER than day. They both have their merits. I don’t hate mornings. In some ways I envy people who see morning every day. Mornings are nice, all the soft light for the first few hours, the birds singing. Things only get really intolerable for me into the middle of the morning. Everything is so busy, noisy, and bright. I can’t stand noon. It’s so glaring, it just kills me. Then,  the first few hours of afternoon are the perfect time for a nap, as far as I can tell. This is all up to personal inclination though.  

So this quote thing is failing me. I agree with the quote. People who know me know I’m opinionated as all get go. Why can’t I just write about how night is better than day? Instead I find myself being all egalitarian and shit.  I know I can do better than this. Fuck, drat and bother!

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Later That Night (OK, like 03:30)

Cool, so I think I’ve found part of my problem with blogging: I was trying to do it during the day.

Why I ever do anything before it gets dark is beyond me.  Take today, for example. A rare day off, so I slept through most of it. Once I was up, I thought hey, time to be productive. But everything I tried to do went wrong somehow; it was like a jinx was at work on me as I rushed around shopping for things I can’t buy at night, struggled to clean my room, and talked to customer support. Actually, that’s one of those things I like about daytime: Customer support, while not always more helpful or speedy, is at least more intelligible.

Only a fraction of the things I wanted to do today got done, writing least of all.  Even once I got my computer fully up and running, you can see it just was not happening.  Despite using one of the best quotes that I’ve compiled for this thing. What a waste of perfectly good German literary genuis.

So my day went so poorly that when I got back home I downed a couple of quick drinks and fell asleep watching Oldboy. Great dreams, I tell ya. No hammers though. In my dreams I get to see all the people I love, and our problems are transient at best, whereas our connections are real and lasting. That’s how I always know I am dreaming. The sexy gypsies were also a bit of a giveaway.

Anyways, I awoke from my nap (yes, it’s still a nap when it happens at 10 pm) feeling like someone had stuck a pin in my reset button. Somehow after dark my world just feels all kinds of brighter. I did some quick tidying, washed the mountain of dishes without thinking about it, took out the recycling, and here I am, typing away.  In fact, I have more than one thing I’m writing right now. Even though I have to get up for work in 6 hours, I am actually working on my serious script. Whoa.

My conclusion: night is SUCH the better half of my life. So maybe I’m not a writer during the day. But hey, what are you doing at 3 am? Me, I’m writing. Thanks, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe-Dude. Your badass German-type name, and also your wisdom, are appreciated. Now excuse me, blog,  I have some more writing to do.

well this is intimidating….

So I guess this is a *shudder* blog that I’m now writing. It’s about nocturnal living. I got this title from a quote on the internet:

“Night, a more perfect day.”

ARTHUR SYMONS

Dude was a poet. I checked him out on wikipedia. I do that a lot. The internet is more important for night people than for day people. Since it’s a worldwide 24 hour society, it makes me feel like less of a hermit. It has shopping at 2 am. It has pictures and music to keep me sane. It has quotes I can punk. My friends are on here somewhere.

The internet is the repository for all knowledge and creativity in this wacky modern millennium. And that means I have to contribute to it in some way, or else, I don’t know. Or else I am not really a writer. Or else I’m not hip, cool, with it?

The internet is distracting as hell, too. Forgive me if I get off topic, there’s a video in another window and of course I have to research while I write, and smoke my filthy pipe. I don’t know how to blog, so I’m reading other blogs and the tutorial and kinda figuring things out as I go. It’s 2 am. Such is my life.

So the spellcheck in word doesn’t think that “blog” is a word. Its alternate suggestions are “”blob”, “blot”, and “blow.” Gee, I hope not.

The tutorial has a very funny picture of a little guy listing reasons to have a blog: reach out to friends, get rich and famous, write a novel, post pictures of cats in costumes? I guess the first one is the closest, since “to prove I can” isn’t on the list. And sadly, my cats hate dressing up. So this is me, reaching out. From late at night, to where and whenever you are reading this.

There’s a whole section of the tutorial on subject matter. At first, I wasn’t sure what to do here. Other people’s blogs seem to be about themselves, journalling for the whole world to see. I’m not sure I can really do that. Don’t get me wrong, I want to share my life as much as the next person. Well, no, I don’t. Some of the personal details I read on the internet are shocking. I’m not that kind of girl. Not that I don’t have shocking details. I just don’t feel like sharing. But I am reaching out. Cue grim night person chuckle.

Ok, here’s another reason to write a blog, the best one I’ve come up with so far: To regain the flow of my writing. This first post is remarkable to me in its complete lack of coherence. While I want to just put down a quick introduction and get on with customizing the colors and fonts, I can’t seem to find any cohesion between these paragraphs. I think texting and Facebook have warped my ability to write anything longer than a soundbite. I cannot stand for this. Or maybe I just can’t stand it? I’m not even sure anymore.

Since my writing isn’t up to even my own standards, I’m sure as hell not writing a blog about writing. So I will write about being nocturnal, and relate anything else I see fit to address back to that, in the same way certain feminists filter everything they hear back through their oppression by the patrirchy. You may hear about nocturnals being oppressed by the Daywalkers, I guess. I might talk about my writing process, because I do that at night. I may even take up night photography, take the cats out in the back after dark, and put costumes on them.

The thought was also there to do this like Simple Living magazine for the nocturnal set. You know, recipes, handy tips, projects where you build a plant hanger out of your old fishnets. I’m not sure how seriously anyone would take such a thing, though, so I will restrain myself from posting a pic of the plant hanger. Yes, it has a bat on it. Many of my things do. Not sure if that’s a common thing in the nighttime subculture. Perhaps it’s the not-quite-ex-goth way to do home decorating. I do know plenty of people who keep Halloween decorations up year-round.

I know a decent number of night people, really, and I hope they find this representation flattering, fair-minded, and entertaining, rather than condescending or apologist. I hope my daytime friends don’t think I’m off my rocker. I’m just like you, really, only 4-5 hours later.